Bittersweet 2

"The closer you get, the closer you get."

Chapter 2 of Bittersweet by Niequist comes at such an interesting time for me. After a bit of therapy, and self discovery the past few months, my best friend Dino comes into town from Kenya by way of Boston. Dino is not like most friends. He is one of those rare friends that Shauna speaks of in this chapter that become part of your being.

For over 15 years now Dino and I have shared life together. Over the last five with him in Kenya and me in Los Angeles that sharing happens less and less. But here is the part I never can seem to comprehend. Somehow Soulfriends even when they are not with you, they are with you.

Have we changed? Of course we're both older, I'm chubbier, he's thinner but our essences are still the same. Our thoughts on the hot topics are different shades of grey, but when he looks at me he gets me. There are no looks of judgment or shock. We know each other!

Nieguist is right "the closer we get in life, the closer we get". Each time I pulled away from Dino he stepped forward making me more open, and truthfully I for him as well. We have walked though dark moments and thoughts together.

One of the deepest mourning periods of my life was the loss of that weekly night with Dino sharing life, family, beer, pool, solving the worlds problems, communing, living and simply being. I morn those tuesday nights. Yet, the grace in this, is that five years after our nightly meetings ended, things remain the same. I never doubt that in my darkest nights that Dino is present. He is a part of me. His voice (janice's too) even in absence still teaches me. He has become part of me. That is the sweetness of the bittersweet reality that in a few days he will return home with his family as the seek to raise money in Boston, to return to their home in Kenya Africa.

I know the bitterness of loss because I have tasted the sweetness of friendship.

Bittersweet

I have to admit I am not a chocolate lover, that is unless it is very dark chocolate. Milk chocolate is way to sweet for me. Dark chocolate on the other hand encompasses both the bitterness and the simple sweetness that creates a complexity that my palate desires.

I am reading a short book by an author named Shauna Niequist called Bittersweet. The prologue itself is brilliant and challenging.

"bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness."

This yen and yang according to Neiquist is the central theme that runs through Christian history and faith is "death and rebirth." While this makes me uncomfortable because I want to avoid lumping Christianity into holding the idea of death as central to its core, truth is I know it is true in my own life. My life has had its darknesses, its deaths. It is in those seasons of death that I hope and long for life to spring forth. Those bitter moments make the sweeter moments of my life mean more.

What would Easter be without Good friday? ...The promise land without the desert? Suffering like it or not is a part of all our existences. There is something important that happens in that dark space...

more of bittersweet to come...

hope and grace

These two words are two of my favorites. Hope because its what keeps me going and Grace because without it I am nothing. To my and Heathers great surprise when we were in Napa there is a winemaker who started his own wine company called Hope and Grace. He named it this because those are the names of his daughters. (which made Heather and I think about naming our child as well)

Not only are those two of my favorite words but the wine was killer. The tasting room has amazing art and over half of it was of a spiritual nature. If you are in Yountville (near Napa) check out this winemaker and his wine. If not just order some online.

http://www.hopeandgracewines.com/